“Call it a hint of bigger [and better] things to come”

     --J. Bond

What is midlife marriage like? An overview

     I went to see the most recent James Bond movie, Skyfall, this weekend. It was a great movie, even though I am not a James Bond fan. Since I have been reading academic journals about midlife for the past four months, I noticed some age characterizations in the movie. Younger intelligence officers are encouraging M to retire; she’s the one in charge of the M16 intelligence department. M is probably on the upper end of the middle age phase of life, but she is not retired yet, so we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt about her age. The younger career focused people are chomping at the bit to take over the controls. The movie reinforced cultural misconceptions we have concerning middle age; as a time of relinquishing the keys, and letting go of some of the controls.

     Many aspects of midlife are just negative stereotypes that younger people use to make fun of the aging process. Well, news for you. We are all aging! Even my 21 year-old son, who went with me to see Skyfall.

     What does James Bond and M have to do with midlife marriage? Well, for starters they are both in midlife. I would say they both prove what respondents in a large national studies say about midlife as being possibly the best period in your life! A peak phase! Not many midlife crises here.  Another aspect of midlife that this movie reinforced was the desire to maintain control over aspects of life that are important to them. This is backed up by research done by Lachman and Weaver (1998).

An article in the Journal of Family Issues stated married midlife couples felt the empty nest was a positive experience, they had more time for personal growth, more time for quality marital and sexual relations (Woohoo!) and more leisure time. Rebuilding the marriage relationship in midlife is one of the tasks recognized as prominent for this stage of life. Studies have shown that, earlier in marriage, satisfaction slowly decreases when children come into the family. Let’s be honest; there is just more stress with crying babies, sleepless nights and diapers. Then along comes another child. I love children, especially my own, but life gets busy and studies show that marriage takes a beating. Early midlife encompasses the time when marital satisfaction hits the lowest level as the children are being launched into adulthood. But then marital satisfaction begins an upward trend as couples begin to reconnect, to recover the magic of being married and knowing someone intimately, and enjoy having stability in the relationship.

     Now women, listen up. Research shows that marital satisfaction for women is strongly related to high quality couple interaction. Positive communication works well.  It works five times better than negative comments. If you haven’t already, learn how to better resolve conflicts. Begin quiet conversations with your husband when you are both rested and relaxed. Just start talking positively and creatively. Keep the conversations going. Learn about your husband and tell him how you feel. There are still significant life issues ahead. Positive, thoughtful communication can help you as a couple master the challenges that lie ahead. It may even give a positive boost to your health!

Oh, and did I mention I’ve become a James Bond fan?

References:

Lachman, M. E. & Weaver, S. L., (1998). Sociodemographic variations in the sense of control by domain: Findings from the MacArthur studies of midlife. Psychology and Aging 13(4). 553-562.

Mitchell, B. A. & Lovegreen, L. D. (2009). The empty nest syndrome in midlife families. Journal of Family Issues 30(12). 1651-1670.

Schmitt, M., Kliegel, M. & Shapiro, A. (2007). Marital interaction in middle and old age: A predictor of marital satisfaction? International Journal on Aging and Human Development. 65(4). 283-300.

RQ: What does it mean to be in a midlife marriage?

This week’s blog:  Communication & Dialogue

     Ok, I changed my research question. Did you notice?  Originally I asked, “What are the issues in midlife marriage?”  However, I believe my new research question better reflects potential changes that take place in the relationship because of external influences.

     I read two fascinating articles this week on communication. The first article discussed premodern, modern and postmodern communication theories. The author, Seymour, (2011) suggests that there is value and a “unique space” (p. 289) for examining the contributions of the premodern communication theory in today’s world. He is not attempting to disregard the modern and postmodern communication models, but he gives examples how these theoretical models do not hold the all-inclusive answer to communication theory.

     Seymour gives examples from six modern and postmodern models of communication and discusses their limitations. I will give one example from a postmodern communication model.  It is the Gender, Feminism, and Intimacy model. I thought this model was very interesting and applicable to intimate marriage relationships.  This model is based on the assumption of male dominance in Western culture.  In this feminist model is the “pure relationship”, named so by sociologist Anthony Giddens (1992). This “pure relationship” exists only “within itself” with no societal, cultural or family connections. Giddens suggests that from “pure relationship” emerges sexuality he terms “plastic sexuality” (p. 303). This sexuality is “de-centered, de-naturalized, de-socialized, and bound in individual subjectivity” (p. 303). This type of relationship and sexuality is “accessible to the development of varying life-styles…a malleable feature of the self” (p. 303). Seymour reports that other scholars, like Hall and Zhao (1995), have agreed with Giddens and added that “pure relationships” and “plastic sexuality” produces “expectations and conditions of intimacy…that perpetuate fractured and isolated interpersonal relationships and practices” (p. 303). Studies show that “individuals who adopt an overly inclusive and accepting ethic in terms of relational identity and practices are more likely to find themselves isolated in their preferences and unable to be relationally responsive” (p. 303).

    We are in a postmodern society which is preoccupied with individualism and everything is subjective to the individual. Seymour wants us to consider some of the elements of the premodern model of communication that may be useful to understand and consider in today’s postmodern environment. The main difference between postmodern, modern and premodern is that the premodern model had allowance for faith, or connection to God, or “some notion of ultimate reality” in the public spaces. (p. 304).     The premodern model of interpersonal communication allows for the existence of a created and coherent order. This gives a foundation to the relationship and makes the relationship and the persons in the relationship significant. The premodern presumes an intimate relationship of three, the triadic model, self, other and God.  Seymour points out that there are medieval philosophical models that work with these same assumptions i.e.”Credo ut intelligam” (“I believe in order to understand”) (p. 305). The premodern model gives recognition to the “potential to be filled” in your true self. It views communication as a “moment of extension” (p. 305); not of negotiation, control or identification as modern and postmodern models view communication.    

     Seymour concludes that individuals have this space within them for potential. This space can be filled with the divine, or a space of separation. Seymour also recognizes that some people are unnerved by the thought of a divine order. He quotes Taylor, (2007) that there is a third condition. It is a stable, ordered, and good position that allows us not to be drawn toward the divine or separated, but is a process that draws us toward a place of fullness over the years. (p. 306).

     Modern and postmodern communication theories leave out the possibility of the existence of God or an ultimate truth in the public sphere. Since the “notion of an ultimate reality” is not existent in public, it has been also limited in interpersonal communication.

   Another article I read this week was by L. Baxter (2010). This article discussed creative communication and the meaning of marriage. There is conflict in many marriages today because married individuals view the meaning of marriage differentlyScholars have identified two conflicting views of marriage in the United States. One view of marriage is that it is a moral-social institution with obligations to hold traditional values and lifelong commitment. The other view is a utilitarian-expressive individualism concept of marriage. This type of marriage is seen as only obligated to the two married individuals for “self-development and self-gratification” (p. 373). If the marriage no longer provides this, it can be ended.  I see premodern theories of the meaning of marriage in conflict with the postmodern culture of individualism.

     This article opened my eyes to a new perspective on communication, and the meaning of marital quality. A common way to look at marital quality is how stable, satisfactory, adjusted and committed the couple is. This article discussed that marital quality really has to do with being able to be creative in communication. The meaning of marital quality can vary among couples, between couples and even change over time and circumstances. Using a creative approach in communication takes the pressure off the individuals in conflict and puts it on managing and embracing conversation and understanding. Dialogue is the goal, along with a focus on meanings.

     Both of these articles have given me new insight into the importance of communication and how it can bring us closer together.  As married couples, it is easiest to take the shortcuts and not seek the common ground. These articles have pointed out that struggles in conversation and understanding are not problems, but a process to be nurtured, an opportunity for creative communication, listening, and the give and take of ideas.

References:

Baxter, L. A. (2010). The dialogue of marriage. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 2, (Dec 2010), 370-387. doi: 10.1111/j.1756-2589.2010.00067.x

Seymour, C. G. (2011). A place for the premodern: A review of modern and postmodern intimate interpersonal communication frames. The Review of Communication. 11(4). 286-309.

RQ: What are the interpersonal issues in midlife marriage?

Today’s topic:  SEX!

     Mary, age 60, was interviewed in a study done by the University of Texas. She said, “One of the interesting aspects of my menopausal life is that I am hornier than I ever was.” Now, did you expect that?  Matthew, age 69, said “[Sex] has gotten better and less frequent.” I think this statement “better and less” probably doesn’t fit with what you would expect a man to say either.  Both of these quotes don’t quite match what society tells us are normal ways to express sexual desire and attitudes at certain ages or genders.  Midlife marital sex doesn’t fit the cultural model that is based on youth and based on a double standard that women are passive and men have to be the aggressor. Let me tell you what two research studies have discovered.

     The University of Texas study mentioned above interviewed 17 long-term, heterosexual, married couples, ages 50-69. The interviews were well done using intersectional analyses and other well founded methods that give this study weight. They found that sexual experiences change for the better in midlife marriages. Wow! But, these changes do not happen without some distress along the way. Midlife married couples have to deal with age-related physical changes that result in changes to frequency and quality. Some felt distress from these changes when they could not maintain their cultural understanding of what their gendered sexual experience should be. These physical changes required changes in the way they practiced their sexual experiences. Their former sexual experiences and prior expectations had to be realigned to fit the midlife phase.  All the couples interviewed experienced a change and this caused distress for some couples in the way they practiced their society-based, gendered sexual roles.

     However men and women do experience these changes differently. Men most often “worry over their ability to perform” (p. 436) and they find their level of desire does not continue to meet up with the youthful model that society says a man should have. “Men over the age of 50 experience a sharp decrease in sexual function, frequency of orgasms, and levels of sexual desire” (p. 430). This change for men causes them to doubt their masculinity, which again is based on a youthful model. To regain their sense of self, men may take Viagra or other prescription drugs. Women experience physical change also in “lower levels sexual desire and more difficulty achieving arousal” (p. 430). Women may use lubrications, hormone replacements, and topical estrogen creams in an attempt to reach the youthful level of sexual function as constructed by our culture. Women will doubt their femininity and blame themselves because their husband no longer initiated sex and has lower desire for them than before. This creates a fear of unattractiveness in the woman. This article stated that men and women both fear getting old, but women fear looking old. This again is based on society’s construct of femininity and aging. So for men they feared losing function and women feared not looking or being sexually desirable.

         Although with a decrease in frequency of sex, the quality of sex increased for midlife married couples. The reasons couples gave for increased quality of sex was from “feeling more comfortable with their partner, knowing their partner’s body and sexual preferences better” (p. 434) more maturity, less stress from grown children, more stability in the marriage and increased emotional intimacy.  Society is changing its expectation for midlife and older couples to continue having sexual intercourse so they have healthy aging and “age well”.

     In agreement with the above is a study that linked sexual satisfaction with increased marital quality and decreased instability. This was a longitudinal study done in 2006 with 283 midlife couples. The results of this study agreed with theories that say sexual satisfaction “serves as a reward and a positive interactive experience to make important contributions to the couples’ positive evaluations on marriage” (p. 342). Sex continues to be important at midlife for quality of the relationship and aging does not necessarily mean a decrease in sexual satisfaction.

     I think this is good news to anyone younger and also for those approaching midlife. Maybe the best is yet to come and it might look different than you think!  Can you believe your sex life may get even better as you get older?  Let’s continue to value life at all stages and see the beauty in each new day.

References

Lodge, A. C. & Umberson, D. (2012). All shook up: Sexuality of mid- to later life married couples. Journal of Marriage and Family.  74. 428-443. doi: 10.111/j.1741-3737.2012.00969.x

Yeh, Hsiu-Chen, Lorenz, F. O., Wickrama, K.A.S., Conger, R. D., & Elder Jr., G. H. (2006).  Relationships among sexual satisfaction, marital quality, and marital instability at midlife. Journal of Family Psychology. 20(2), 339-343. doi: 10.1037/0893-3200.20.2.339

   

INTERPERSONAL ISSUES IN MIDLIFE MARRIAGE

     This week I want to address the concept of “midlife crisis”.  As you know I have been researching issues in midlife marriage.  Several of you have mentioned the midlife crisis as if this were something to be expected in the midlife marriage. Personally I believe from my readings that the “midlife crisis” is, for the most part, a myth. I did some direct research this week on the idea of midlife crisis and this is what I found.

     First of all, it surprised me that when I searched the Albertsons Library database for “midlife crisis”, the most recent articles were from 2009. Many of the articles dealt with other types of midlife crisis in some type of commerce, industry or profession, e.g.” burn out” in nursing for example. This was not the type of midlife crisis I wanted to learn about. The type of midlife crisis that most of us think about is the 49 year old male that suddenly feels compelled to buy a new sports car, have a fling with a younger woman, maybe goes on a dream vacation with or without his wife of twenty years, gets new a new hair style and maybe a different job. However, think of this scenario again with the guy as a 29 year old.  The 29 year old buys a sports car, has a fling with a 29 year old woman and takes a dream vacation, etc. Would this be considered a “crisis”? Why do we have certain expectations for different ages? I do not believe it necessarily constitutes a “crisis” to behave like this at 49. Maybe men always prefer younger women. Maybe women prefer younger men also?

     Sue Shellenbarger, a columnist for the Wall Street Journal, made light of the midlife crisis idea in an article she wrote for a “Work and Family” column. She received the most responses she has ever received. Her readers were telling her of their own experiences of “pain, upheaval, rebirth and transformation in middle age…a time when old values and goals no longer made sense to them”.  After this response, Sue Shellenbarger wrote a book entitled, “The Breaking Point: How Female Midlife Crisis is Transforming Today’s Women”. She claims, “The midlife crisis is a cliché—until you have one.”  During the past 15-20 years, a majority of women have entered the workforce and their earnings have risen dramatically. A female midlife crisis is now more of a possibility. Women today have the finances, education and confidence to resolve frustrations they have in their lives.

     According to Sue Shellenbarger’s article, women and men have different reasons for triggering a midlife crisis. Men most often begin their midlife crisis because of work or career issues. Women most likely begin a midlife crisis because of a family issue, such as a divorce, affair, death of a parent, or feeling you have not been a good parent yourself. Women also handle the midlife crisis differently. Women will talk with others about it, and seek solutions in the community through college enrollment and/or more church attendance.

     The most relevant, serious article I found on “midlife crisis” was one titled, “Midlife Crisis: A Debate” (2009). This article took the position of three different concepts of midlife crisis:  a strict, moderate or lenient concept. I agree with the lenient concept of midlife crisis; but let me tell you what each one is.

     The strict definition says that most people in midlife have a crisis period and “will feel less fulfilled…than they thought they would…even if they have reached the goals they set for themselves when they were younger” (p. 586). The moderate definition includes middle adulthood as challenging phase of life, but not necessarily a crisis except for possibly the most vulnerable, neurotic people. It is a time to assess old goals, and set new goals. This process of letting go of old goals and making new ones may be felt as positive and liberating. Most importantly, the strict and moderate concepts of midlife crisis have not found to be empirically reported. 

     Finally, the lenient concept of midlife crisis does not see the concept of midlife crisis as normal. The lenient concept does view this time of life as having “age-associated challenges” (p. 589), as does every phase of life.  These challenges include evaluating accomplishments, and a different time perspective to life choices, but still with hope and positive emotion. In data from a MIDUS study on age, said that “middle adulthood might actually be a peak phase in life” (p. 588). The study also reported that adults age 65 – 84 years “preferred middle adulthood over any other phase in the life span” (p. 588).

     I tend to agree with the lenient concept of midlife crisis. This also goes along with the other research I have been doing this semester for this class. Adults at middle age do have unique, important challenges and changes that come with this time of life, but these do not necessarily have to be defined as a “crisis”. A crisis can happen at any time in life. For the most part, and for most people, midlife is a time of transition into a new stage of life, but not a crisis.

Freund, A. M. & Ritter, J. O. (2009). Midlife crisis: A debate. Gerontology. 55. 582-591

            Doi: 10.1159/000227322

Shellenbarger, S. (2005, April 7). The female midlife crisis; more women than men now               report unheaval by age 50; the ATV tipping point. The Wall Street Journal.  P.D.1

    

    

Interpersonal Aspects of Midlife Marriage: Health

  If you are married at age 50, you want to have good health, right?  It’s common knowledge that there are studies that say if you are married, you probably are in better health and you will live longer. This assumes that the couple helps take care of and watch out for each other. This simplistic assumption holds true only if you have a satisfactory marriage. What if I told you that being married may cause you to have poor health?  Is your spouse a jerk, an alcoholic, a workaholic or just unresponsive to you?  You can bet this causes you additional stress! This stress causes elevated blood pressure and heart rates even in younger adults. If you are in midlife with continual stress, these physical responses are not good.  In long-term, midlife marriages, being married to someone who is uncaring, unhelpful and makes too many demands on you may cause you to develop physical problems, chronic health problems, and even disability. The chronic strain of an unhealthy marital relationship seems to contribute to poor health in midlife individuals.

     I was reading an article in the Journal of Aging and Health (2005).  This article said that many studies on marital quality and health have been done in the past on younger couples in their 30s and 40s. However, this study examined midlife and older couples and, importantly, it differed from previous studies in that it controlled for depression. Depression is often associated with marital dissatisfaction, poor health and poorer self-perceived health ratings. Controlling for depression gave the researcher a better understanding of the quality of the relationship and physical health of the couples. This was a large study of 729 individuals in their first marriage, ages 50 to 74. The study included five dimensions of marital quality (e.g. marital disagreement, positive and negative spousal behaviors, global quality of the relationship and communication) to discover which aspects of marital quality affected health.  The researcher of this study found that negative spousal behaviors (e.g. too many demands, makes you feel tense, argumentative, critical, cannot be relied on, or just getting on your nerves) were the attributes that most consistently brought about poor health in the other spouse. This was a reliable study and easily generalized to midlife married adults because it was a large study, it controlled for depression, and it also broke down aspects of marital quality into five negative and positive characteristics. 

     The results of this study also agreed with previous studies on the negative effect of social exchanges. These prior findings also report that “negative social exchanges are more strongly and reliably associated with well-being than positive social exchanges” (Bookwala, 2005, p. 99). The author then concludes from this that “negative behaviors from one’s spouse outweighs the role of positive spousal behaviors in physical health” (p. 99).

     In another article in the American Journal of Public Health, (2001), they linked SES (socioeconomic status) with health in midlife married couples. The news from this article is even more alarming. The purpose of the study was to see how often both individuals face health problems at the same time and also to check for a link to SES. This report indicated that SES affects the health of both individuals in a marriage. When one falls into poor health, the other spouse has a larger load to carry with medical costs, employment interruptions, and care giving, etc. This often results in both individuals falling into poor health.  When two “unhealthy persons are married to each other, both lack the support a healthy spouse provides, and both face the additional burden of having a disabled partner” (Wilson, 2001 p. 134). Specifically, this study showed a connection between the health of the husband and the health of the wife. A husband with “excellent” health had a 2.3% chance of having a wife with poor health, versus if the man had “poor” health, 13.2% of the wives had poor health also. In relation to socioeconomic levels, “household income was strongly associated with both individual health status and the joint occurrence of poor health within marriage partnerships” (p. 133).  An example from the study was 12.5% of the households in the lowest quintile had both spouses in poor health, versus “0.7% of household in the top quintile” (p 133).  This study also asked about education levels. The marriages with both individuals not having completed a high school education are at highest risk of both being in poor health. With an inadequate education, it is more difficult for health-related decisions to be made and health care services to be assessed.  When the researcher put both education, SES and health together, “approximately half of all couples in which both spouses were in poor health were in the lowest SES categories both income and education” (p. 133).

     There are a few takeaway points from these two articles on midlife marriage.  First, a marriage is a significant interpersonal relationship that affects you across your life span. It is one of the most intimate connections you have and possibly the greatest source of emotional, physical and financial support you will have. Marital happiness can provide so much to the couple, but there are some aspects of marriage that can be damaging. Negative behaviors on the part of a spouse can lead to poor health in the other spouse. Marital therapy can improve not only the marital quality of the relationship, but it can improve the health of the individual. Also, socioeconomic and educational levels of the couple also have a high chance of affecting the health of both individuals. The quality of marriage, along with education and SES are powerful components to having good health later in life.

Bookwala, J. (2005). The role of marital quality in physical health during the mature years. Journal of Aging and Health. 17(1), 85-104.

            doi: 10.1177/0898264304272794

Wilson, S. E., (2001). Socioeconomic status and the prevalence of health problems among married couples in late midlife. American Journal of Public Health. 91(1). 131-135

Issues of Midlife Marriages

What are the issues Midlife Marriages face?

 Do you hope to retire early from work? Maybe you are still figuring out what your career will be, but I’m sure you think about the day when you do not have to work. If you are like the majority of people between the ages of 45 – 65, you are married.  What if your spouse retires before you do? What if you retire before your spouse?  Will you continue to work part-time? What will you do? Do you have a hobby you want to pursue? Volunteer?  Do you both have good health?  These are some of the issues that need to be discussed by a couple prior to retiring. Preplanning 10-20 years in advance of a life goal is not unreasonable. Actually, preplanning will help you reach your goal sooner than later, according to an article in American Behavioral Scientist.

Traditionally retirement has been related to a man’s health, reaching a certain age, pension status, and career achievements. However, with companies downsizing, offers of early retirement and loss of retirement savings, employees need to be rethinking the “golden years” outlook. Previously women’s role expectations were to work, leave the workforce to raise children, work again, and sometimes leave the workforce again to care for aging parents; having more family interruptions in their working years. Retirement decisions for women in this traditional mode of retirement would more closely follow the timing of her spouse.

More contemporary couples are a part of the “new modes of retirement” (Pienta, 2003).  This includes women in the dual-earners marriage whose relationship consists of decisions and choices that the married couple make together and lives that are linked.

The husbands and wives share opportunities and disadvantages that affect both of them and their work place decisions.  Amy Pienta, (2003) suggests that the construct of retirement is shifting for men and women and has become more multifaceted and gender equal. The contemporary marriage now consists of two career pathways and two retirements to navigate; no longer an individual event. This shift to a”new mode of retirement” links women to the workforce, but also connects men to familial and marital responsibilities.

In an article, “Deciding the Future”, the researchers encourage “planfulness” for couples in regard to retirement planning. The planning should be done by whoever has the skill and desire to tackle the chore, just like other household chores are divided in the home.  There are factors that shape the ability to plan effectively. You need to look at the work environment each person has in their workplace, such as a mentally or physically demanding job, health factors, if children are still in the home, income supply during retirement and what are your goals during retirement.

With individuals living longer and retiring earlier, their retirement years can be the longest period of life. A window of opportunity is available to those who plan this period of life, no longer to be taken for granted, but to be filled with many projects that are available in this new stage of life.

Moen, P., Huang, Q., Plassmann, V., & Dentinger, E. (2006). Deciding the future. Do dual-earner couples plan together for retirement? American Behavioral Scientist. 49(10), 1422-1443. doi: 10.1177/0002764206286563

Pienta, A. M. (2003). Partners in Marriage: An analysis of husbands’ and wives’ retirement behavior. The Journal of Applied Gerontology 22(3). 340-358. doi: 10.177/0733646803253587

    

What are the characteristics and challenges in Midlife Marriages?

Have you ever thought what your marriage will be like in twenty years? Will you be on your second, third or fourth marriage?  Can you imagine when you start getting a little gray hair, turn 50, have a spouse that turns 50; your youngest child leaves the house?  We don’t spend much time thinking about these life changes when we are younger, working hard on our education and establishing our career and new family. But these are some of the challenges that come along later in life that are unique to that phase of life. I want to investigate what marriage relationships look like at that time of life. I want to know what the healthy characteristics are and what the challenges are. What do people wish they could change about their marriage?  With so many marriages ending in divorce, what is it that makes a marriage last? What does a satisfying midlife marriage look like?  What keeps people together through the hard & good times?

I chose this subject because, as one of the articles I reviewed for this blog said, “With the large “Babyboom Generation” currently at the middle-age stage of life, the significance of better understanding midlife relationships is greater than ever before” (Allen, Blieszner & Roberto, 2000).  In researching this topic on midlife, long-term marriage, I found that most articles acknowledge the abundance of studies on younger couples in short-term marriages, but there is a gap in the study of midlife marital issues that are relevant to middle-age couples.

I read an interesting article about 542 couples in midlife. They were asked to name the areas in their marriage they would change if they could. The overwhelming #1 answer was to spend more time together. They wanted to be able to work less so they could spend more time with family and their spouse.  It is great that they WANT to spend more time together. This is not surprising either; who doesn’t want to work less?  This desire to spend more time together was the response from both men and women, couples married both a short and a long time, and regardless of satisfaction in the marriage. This does surprise me that even couples not satisfied with their marriage would desire this.  It appears that couples feel that more time together would give them opportunity to better communicate and resolve differences they may have.

Other areas they would change are in the areas of improved sexual relationship, better communication and conflict resolution, increased emotional intimacy, and financial differences.  Men and women rated these areas a little differently, but overall, the desire to spend more time together was the #1 area of desired change. In the weeks ahead I will be looking at these areas and others in midlife marriages.

Another article I read spoke specifically about the importance of high quality, positive marital interactions and satisfactory communication in long-term marriages. You may have heard that being married helps a person to have better health, but this report suggests there is more than that. There must be marital satisfaction to effect good health.  This report also predicted that marital interaction would help buffer against stress, and conflicts both in the marriage and out.  Marital interaction plays a major role in midlife and long-term marriages whereas short-term, younger marriages are more affected by financial problems and personality differences.  Money and personality no longer affect long-term relationships as much, but it is when the interactions in the marriage are restricted or at a deadlock. Positive, supportive communication is vital in this phase of life when couples are adjusting to the empty nest, menopause, health issues, changing physical and sexual abilities, and retirement.

Some of the people interviewed for these studies commented that they wish they had learned how to communicate better and handle conflict better earlier in their marriage. This is another important reason to give this topic some thought and reflection. If you desire to have a healthy, satisfying marriage 10, 20, 30, 40 years from now, invest in communication skills and conflict resolution now to have better benefits later in life.

Christensen, S.A & Miller, R.B., (2006). Areas of desired change among married midlife individuals. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy: Innovation in Clinical and Education al Interventions, 5(3), 35-57. doi:10.1300/J398v05n03_03

Schmitt, M., Kliegel, M., Shapiro, A., (2007). Marital interaction in middle and old age: A predictor of marital satisfaction? International Journal of Aging and Human Development, 65(4), 283-300. doi: 10.2190/AG.65.4.a