INTERPERSONAL ISSUES IN MIDLIFE MARRIAGE

     This week I want to address the concept of “midlife crisis”.  As you know I have been researching issues in midlife marriage.  Several of you have mentioned the midlife crisis as if this were something to be expected in the midlife marriage. Personally I believe from my readings that the “midlife crisis” is, for the most part, a myth. I did some direct research this week on the idea of midlife crisis and this is what I found.

     First of all, it surprised me that when I searched the Albertsons Library database for “midlife crisis”, the most recent articles were from 2009. Many of the articles dealt with other types of midlife crisis in some type of commerce, industry or profession, e.g.” burn out” in nursing for example. This was not the type of midlife crisis I wanted to learn about. The type of midlife crisis that most of us think about is the 49 year old male that suddenly feels compelled to buy a new sports car, have a fling with a younger woman, maybe goes on a dream vacation with or without his wife of twenty years, gets new a new hair style and maybe a different job. However, think of this scenario again with the guy as a 29 year old.  The 29 year old buys a sports car, has a fling with a 29 year old woman and takes a dream vacation, etc. Would this be considered a “crisis”? Why do we have certain expectations for different ages? I do not believe it necessarily constitutes a “crisis” to behave like this at 49. Maybe men always prefer younger women. Maybe women prefer younger men also?

     Sue Shellenbarger, a columnist for the Wall Street Journal, made light of the midlife crisis idea in an article she wrote for a “Work and Family” column. She received the most responses she has ever received. Her readers were telling her of their own experiences of “pain, upheaval, rebirth and transformation in middle age…a time when old values and goals no longer made sense to them”.  After this response, Sue Shellenbarger wrote a book entitled, “The Breaking Point: How Female Midlife Crisis is Transforming Today’s Women”. She claims, “The midlife crisis is a cliché—until you have one.”  During the past 15-20 years, a majority of women have entered the workforce and their earnings have risen dramatically. A female midlife crisis is now more of a possibility. Women today have the finances, education and confidence to resolve frustrations they have in their lives.

     According to Sue Shellenbarger’s article, women and men have different reasons for triggering a midlife crisis. Men most often begin their midlife crisis because of work or career issues. Women most likely begin a midlife crisis because of a family issue, such as a divorce, affair, death of a parent, or feeling you have not been a good parent yourself. Women also handle the midlife crisis differently. Women will talk with others about it, and seek solutions in the community through college enrollment and/or more church attendance.

     The most relevant, serious article I found on “midlife crisis” was one titled, “Midlife Crisis: A Debate” (2009). This article took the position of three different concepts of midlife crisis:  a strict, moderate or lenient concept. I agree with the lenient concept of midlife crisis; but let me tell you what each one is.

     The strict definition says that most people in midlife have a crisis period and “will feel less fulfilled…than they thought they would…even if they have reached the goals they set for themselves when they were younger” (p. 586). The moderate definition includes middle adulthood as challenging phase of life, but not necessarily a crisis except for possibly the most vulnerable, neurotic people. It is a time to assess old goals, and set new goals. This process of letting go of old goals and making new ones may be felt as positive and liberating. Most importantly, the strict and moderate concepts of midlife crisis have not found to be empirically reported. 

     Finally, the lenient concept of midlife crisis does not see the concept of midlife crisis as normal. The lenient concept does view this time of life as having “age-associated challenges” (p. 589), as does every phase of life.  These challenges include evaluating accomplishments, and a different time perspective to life choices, but still with hope and positive emotion. In data from a MIDUS study on age, said that “middle adulthood might actually be a peak phase in life” (p. 588). The study also reported that adults age 65 – 84 years “preferred middle adulthood over any other phase in the life span” (p. 588).

     I tend to agree with the lenient concept of midlife crisis. This also goes along with the other research I have been doing this semester for this class. Adults at middle age do have unique, important challenges and changes that come with this time of life, but these do not necessarily have to be defined as a “crisis”. A crisis can happen at any time in life. For the most part, and for most people, midlife is a time of transition into a new stage of life, but not a crisis.

Freund, A. M. & Ritter, J. O. (2009). Midlife crisis: A debate. Gerontology. 55. 582-591

            Doi: 10.1159/000227322

Shellenbarger, S. (2005, April 7). The female midlife crisis; more women than men now               report unheaval by age 50; the ATV tipping point. The Wall Street Journal.  P.D.1